TO WHOM I USE TO BE BY LAERICA

I know you feel alone. As you lay in bed right now with a body full of pills waiting to die and end the pain that has consumed you, I wanna take a moment and give you a glimpse into the future. See I know what it feels like to never fit in. I know how it feels to be at family gatherings and never feel connected to the very people you should be most connected you. Remember that time you were convinced you had been adopted (Lol) I know all the times your right to say No was taken away from you and left you feeling broken and damaged. It sucks to feel like a outsider all the time. It sucks to never feel good enough. It sucks to feel a emptiness that can never be filled. I know you hate yourself and feel unworthy of love. I remember all the times you were mistreated. Only I understand why you stay locked in your room. Waking up dreading the day is draining. See I know why you have that bad attitude that you use to protect yourself. To the girl I used to be that holds all my secrets and tears I would like to share the biggest secret of all. You do not have to die tonight as a matter of fact you can’t die tonight because God has a plan for you.

I know that’s hard to believe but it’s true. Let me start by saying that God never intended you to fit in. You are never going to be like other girls. You won’t rocks heels all day. You won’t become obsessed with makeup or boys. You won’t be the girl with a large circle of friends. But that’s fine because God revealed to me that he created you different on purpose. Wait.....Purpose....that word is going to transform your life in ways you can’t imagine. One day Purpose will be your Anti-Depressant Pill. I can’t give away the whole story but I can tell you that one day you will be proud of not being like everyone else. One day you will love the life you have. One day God will use your pain to help someone else like you. So I need to get out of bed and throw up every pill in your body. I need you to keep fighting and know that you have an assignment that’s going to change lives of people everywhere. The best part is God is going to send some amazing people who will love every thing that makes you different, they will push you into greatness, they will believe in you more than you believe in yourself sometimes. Lastly to the girl I used to be I want to thank you. Thank you for fighting. Thank you for not giving up. Thank you for holding on to the belief that you were meant for more.

You may not be the popular girl. You may not be like everyone. You may not fit in but to - Quote Kayne West