“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
We are all familiar with this scripture, but have you really taken the time to decipher and uncover what love is? After one of my panic attack episodes back in 2010, I had to Seek, Evaluate, Listen, and Find out what was the root cause of this attack that shook me to my core. Thinking of this scripture confirmed what it was: LOVE. Demi didn’t love herself. She was not patient, she was not kind. She was envious, very boastful and too proud to say she needed help. She dishonored others by not valuing friendships, was always to herself (self-seeking), very angry disposition, and held onto grudges. She sometimes delighted in being evil to others as emotional payback, and ran away from her own truth. She was never protected nor protected herself, she didn’t trust a soul, was hopeless, and often stopped herself from finishing - she was a quitter.
Well now you’re thinking, “well sheesh sis how did it get to that point?” My childhood. How I was introduced to my body is how I got to that place. All I knew was “to not let little dirty boys touch you ‘down there’” and when the time came for me to become a “woman” aka starting my period, it was never a sit down conversation of what this meant for me as a young girl - that my body was truly a sacred space and the power that I held in between my thighs. We are often told of what not to do, without true explanation of the “why”. Because I never actually was told or choose to seek why these changes were happening, and why boys couldn’t touch me, I remained ignorant for a long time. I was uncomfortable with myself. I was confused. I didn’t know what love was or looked like.
My first sexual experience was HORRIBLE - I mean I planned it out just to “get rid of it” because I heard about other’s first time and didn’t want to experience heartbreak - but yet I didn’t value myself enough to see the gem that I had by holding on to it. On the surface it was fear of what sex was and what my parents would think. I didn’t even consider God. In retrospect, me holding out so long was protection - why? Because “love protects” right? Up until that point, I was protecting, trusting, and preserving myself, not understanding the consequences of ‘giving it up entailed’ - once again ignorance.
Then my second sexual experience was one that I wasn’t mentally, emotionally, or physically prepared for - rape. Now the protection of love was really dwindling away, my body was now keeping records of my wrongdoings (soul-ties). So yet, that’s another added layer to my love.
Even more, I thought about the relationship with my father - how I didn’t feel protected, he was not so kind, very boastful about “taking care of his kids” which is what he was supposed to do - it was like GOODNESS, why is every experience of love so broken?!
At the hands of every man I encountered was never a good one to be honest. It was a repeated cycle of constant emotional, mental, and physical trauma. But that panic attack in 2010 woke me up and woke me up real good. In that moment and feeling spirits physically and spiritually attacked me, I also felt the weight and presence of God protect me. It was in that moment where he pulled me up and out of that. Now since then, I’ve been on a constant journey to uncondition myself of what I thought love was, through self-care. It hasn’t been a pretty journey, there’s been a lot of grit, grind, and mistakes, but I choose to remain committed; to Seek, Evaluate, Listen, and Find.
My determination of SELF, brought me to a place of coaching, because I saw what seeking, evaluating, listening, and finding did for me. It got me to a place to being able to recite what Love is without feeling some sort of way. Seeking allowed me to see the power within (my internal GPS) and using it to forgive, educate, love and learn my body in a healthy manner.
Evaluating got me to a place where I can look at those traumatic experiences in my life and think of it from a holistic and empathetic point of view. I can look at that traumas and not hold myself accountable for what I didn’t know, but instead look at it from a healthy place and realize those things doesn’t just make my story, and I am so much more.
Finding out that conventional and popular doesn’t always mean it’s right. I got to a place where I sought out the alternative, digging deeper into the root of my issues, instead of trying to mask it with pills, alcoholism, more sexual encounters, and other debilitating habits. Finding alternatives forced me to be real with myself. If I wanted to be this powerful being that God created me to be, I had to search and find ALL ways to make that happen.
I had to lastly Listen to what my body was telling me. That moment where I felt I couldn’t get over being raped? I had to listen to what my body was telling me, and that was getting back in touch and introducing myself to my womb again, trying and researching different methods. The times where I was sick for months and the doctors couldn’t find out why, I had to listen to my body by changing the way I looked at food, therefore exploring better eating habits.
That’s what’s self-care is. Constantly and consistently Seeking, Evaluating, Listening, and Finding. Looking at the totality of your health and situation from a holistic point of view. I’ve noticed just how often we are so miseducated about our bodies and situations, and how long we spend uncovering those things, healing from our childhood. Self-care brought me to life. Everyone needs a self-care coach for those reasons. To be educated, to introduce yourself back to your body, positive re-enforcement, and overall healthy decision making when it comes to your body and love.
I had to remember that Demi is patient, she is kind. She does not envy, she does not boast, she is not proud. She does not dishonor others, not self-seeking. She is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. She does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. She always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. She is a well chick. She has found her life’s solutions through Seeking.Evaluating.Listening.Finding-Care.
Until next time,
#BeWellChick, your Self-Care Coach, DEMI