3 Reasons Why You Need to Give Up Your Guilt After Losing A Baby. By Dr. Kameika Hinson
Guilt can sometimes be a healthy feeling that helps us remain socially and morally responsible. Healthy guilt is something that we experience after we’ve done something that we believe is wrong or hurtful and it motivates us to make things better. However, it can also be the source of major personal distress and problems in many area of our lives. As much as people are quick to say that something wasn’t our fault or that we shouldn’t feel guilty, we all screw up sometimes. We all make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes can have significant consequences. But what happens when something really wasn’t our fault but we still feel responsible for it?
I remember when I experienced my miscarriage, the guilt became so overwhelming that it was often debilitating. Sometimes I would call out from work because I just couldn’t make myself get out of bed. My guilt kept me from doing a lot of things that I knew that I was called to do but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it because I didn’t feel worthy of being able to tell women how not to feel guilty when I often blamed myself for my miscarriage. The guilt was so overbearing that It was a challenge to take a bath and brush my teeth. You see, I often felt that I was unable to function in life so I decided to seek professional help. I knew that when things got that bad that I needed more that God and prayer to see me through. I needed God, prayer and a therapist and I don’t regret a single decision that I made. Guilt should never have you to the point that you can’t function in life. If you should ever reach that point, you should always seek the advice of a medical professional, just as I did.
It’s really easy to feel guilty about something. It’s a natural human emotion but recognizing guilt as a problem is totally different. If you are having trouble sleeping because you’re experiencing guilt, then you need to seek professional help. If you’re lashing out and blaming people for your guilt, then you need to seek professional help. If you’re allowing your guilt to let you make bad decisions, then you need professional help.If your guilt is driving you to engage in. Self destructive behaviors, then you need professional help. I can tell you these things because I was in that space. I was in such a bad space that I scared myself and I immediately seemed professional help. I am in no shape form or fashion a therapist but my grief to greatness roadmap is designed to tell the difference between the two. Before I get started with any client, this roadmap will be completed because I would never want to choose money over the betterment of someone’s mental health.
1. You deserve to live a life of greatness
Having a miscarriage is NEVER your fault. Many women often feel that there was something that they did to cause their pregnancy or infant loss. That’s just not the case. Guilt can cause you to feel like you don’t deserve to live a life of greatness and abundance. John 3:17 states, “For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” It is not God’s purpose to condemn you; it’s His desire to take away your sins, keep you from sin and save you through Jesus Christ. Out of His love, mercy and grace, God came down in the form of man and lived the perfect life that we could not. Jesus willfully sacrificed His life for us and took all of our guilt. It’s not your fault. It’s not God’s fault. It’s not anybody’s fault. All things happen for a reason but it’s up to you to figure out the reason.
2. You deserve to walk in your purpose
Believe it or not, every single human being that was placed on this earth has a purpose. If you are a living and breathing individual, you have a purpose and God specifically kept you alive to fulfill that purpose. Majority of the time, if not all, if you have experienced pain in your life, it is directly connected to your purpose. So many people struggle with finding their purpose in life when it is often times sitting right in front of your face. What type of pain have you experienced? What are you passionate about? What would you do for free? That my dear, is your purpose. Now how do you cultivate that purpose and turn it into something tangible is where I can help you.
3. You deserve to tell your story
Being open and transparent in the black and brown community is something that we still struggle with today. Especially if you grew up in the church. We are taught to “just pray about it.” How many of you have heard this statement before? I know I have. Jesus called people to coaching and counseling space and He called them for a reason. He knows that He is the ultimate savior but sometimes you may need a little more guidance. I was encouraged by my therapist to start sharing my story. I started sharing my story within my church by creating a support group. Many women were interested but they quickly remembered where they were so instead, they reached out to me privately on social media. I remember when I decided to share my story on my social media platforms. The response that I got was so amazing until I knew that I had to do something to expand beyond the four walls of my church so that I could create a safe and judgement free zone for Christian women to be open and honest. Believe it or not, the most judgement comes from “Christians” so my purpose was to let people see me be vulnerable and still be a daughter of the King. Tell your story even if you are judge for it by man. God knows your heart and he wants you to share your story so that you may be able to turn a non believer into a believer.
Guilt is a feeling and feelings need to feel validated. It is important that we find ways to accept, integrate and move forward with these feelings. Unfortunately, we can’t stop feeling guilty because someone told us to. It could all be so simple if that were the case but giving up guilt has a strategic process behind it. I have invested in counselors, therapists and coaches who have equipped me with the proper tools to be able to package my methodologies and offer them to you.
My G.U.I.L.T to Greatness group coaching program is designed for the grieving mother who has experienced pregnancy or infant loss and they feel that there was something that they did to have caused the tragic loss. Well, I’m here to tell you that it was not your fault. It was nobody’s fault. I love you and God loves you too.
To schedule a free discovery session with me go to www.growingfromgriefbook.com
Or email me at CoachKam@chasingrainbowsgcs.com