Seeing Beyond the Trees by Mindset Coach Latresa Rice
Have you ever been so heartbroken that you preferred to die rather than live?
I have experienced this multiply times, but nothing compared to my 2020 experience. Within a one month span of time, my grandmother died and shortly after she died, my husband died from Covid-19. Although we engaged in a long distance relationship for a year and a half prior to marriage, we had only been married for five months when he died. I was devastated!
I remember the nights and weeks in which I cried all day long while asking God “why”? Why would he allow me to meet a man that loved me in a manner in which I had never been loved before, only to take him to heaven within five months of marriage? Why would God tell me that it was ok to marry him, if I was just going to lose him quickly? Why would God take my grandmother, the one who raised me after my mother died of AIDS when I was seven years old, to heaven in the same year my husband died, knowing that I would have no one left?
The more I asked “why,” the more silence I heard. Depression, fear and abandonment can cause you to entertain bitterness and rage. All of these things can cause major physiological issues for you. In fact, due to the intensity of the trauma, I experienced a hysterical pregnancy during the same time I was doing my best to heal. According to WebMD, a hysterical pregnancy is a false pregnancy that experts suspect happens due to a mind-body feedback loop, in which a strong emotion causes an elevation of hormones, in turn resulting in physical symptoms that mimic those of a true pregnancy. During my grieving period, I looked and felt like I was 6 months pregnant, only to discover that there was no baby. This discovery caused me to experience another catastrophic loss. Imagine thinking that your deceased husband left you pregnant with the twins that he desired. Neither of you have any biological children. After taking various pregnancy tests, being rushed to the emergency room due to an excessive loss of blood and having an ultrasound, only to discover that you are not pregnant and the excessive amount of blood was not due to a miscarriage. It was due to the amount of months you went without having a menstrual. This was just one aspect of my healing journey to wholeness that I discuss in my book titled, “Hurt But Grateful.”
Going through the process of healing to wholeness sometimes feels like an endless journey, riddled with pain and void of beauty. However, just like the Tongass Forest, beautiful things are still present in the midst of your darkest hour. In order to leave the Forest, you will have to see beyond the trees by embracing the royal you and deciding to EXIT.
E – Envision Better X – Xoompin preconceived ideas about healing I – Identify the details of objects or people present T – Transcend the pain
Deciding to leave the “forest” of my mind was not an easy task. The “trees” that represented doubt, fear, anger, depression, bitterness seemed to cover my mind like an unwelcomed wet blanket. In order to make it out, I had to envision better. I had to see myself already out of the depressed state that I was end. I had to visualize what I would feel like, things that I would do once I was healed, places that I would go and so much more. I had to verbally speak that I was coming out of the dark place that I was end. Many days, I looked myself in the mirror and declared that I was not going to die here. I refused to stay in my broken state. I verbally declared that I was on a healing journey to wholeness as opposed to saying out of my mouth that I was depressed. According to the word of God, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that love it will eat the fruit there of.” This means that sometimes, we have to speak death before we speak life. It is tongue that has power. While envisioning better, I spoke death to depression and life to myself. Although we are not supposed to love our tongue, we have been given the power and authority to use it. When you embrace the royal you, you recognize the authority and power that you have and you exercise it when necessary. Xoompin Pre-Conceived Ideas About Healing
It's ok to exercise that power that God has given you when necessary; however, we must recognize the fact that healing is still a process and give ourselves grace to get through it. When I was younger, I allowed to cry for a brief and then I was told that my tears would not change anything so I needed to shake it off, get up and keep moving. Because of my upbringing I was so upset with how long it took me to get further along in my healing process after experiencing to deaths of those close to me. I felt like I should have not cried as many days. I was so disappointed in myself but I couldn’t seem to shake the immense sadness that I felt. In order to see beyond the “trees,” I had to xoompin my pre-conceived ideas about healing. The word xoompin means “to drive over bumps in the road”. Your pre-conceived ideas about healing are bumps in the road to wholeness. You will have to drive over them in order to make it out of the “forest” i.e. the grieving period following immense loss. Identify The Details Of Objects Or People Present
While driving over the bumps that are in your path as you travel from broken to whole, it is important to identify the details of objects or people present. Often when someone dies, we only focus on the good things that we will miss about the person; as opposed to looking at the total picture and understanding that sometimes, it’s not about us. For example, as much I would love for my grandmother to have lived at least another 15 years, when I looked at how much she was suffering because of physical pain and the mental pain of not being able to do the things that she used to do that gave her joy, I was able to have more peace regarding her transition from life on earth to life everlasting. With regards to my husband, it was more traumatic because of how quick it happened. Within 12 days of being infected with the vicious Covid-19 various, he died at 39 years old. To move further in my healing process following his transition, I had to look at everything. The “roses” and the “thorns” i.e. the beautiful aspects of our marriage and the hard parts. I had to look at the physical ailments he was experiencing on a consistent basis and the joy that he exuded. After looking at the total picture and recognizing that God knows best, even when I feel like his decision was unfair, I know that it was good for me that I had been afflicted. Without this painful experience, I would not have been able to help others get through this process from an authentic position of authority and more lives around the world would have been lost to Covid-19, if I didn’t share our story across multiple platforms around the world.
Transcend The Pain
Every aspect of your healing journey through the “forest” to wholeness will be used by God for his glory. Just like he used our painful experience with Covid-19, he will use your pain and all you have to do, is transcend it. The word “transcend” means to “be or go beyond the range or limits of.” Emotional pain from loss can be debilitating; however, you can overcome it while recognizing that there is still beauty in the midst of your pain. Just like the Tongass Forest spans 17 million acres and possesses the most rare ecosystems on the planet, going through your process to wholeness may look like you will never make it out but during the journey there are some beautiful lessons that you will learn in the process that would help you for years to come. While dealing with the pain of my husband’s transition, I learned how resilient I really am. I learned how relinquish the urge to control my emotions by trusting God with them and simply going through my healing process to wholeness. The pain you experience from loss can be limiting but you can transcend it as you embrace the royal you. If you find yourself in a mental “forest” that appears to be as large as the Tongass Forest, know that you can EXIT as you embrace the royal you. I am Latresa Rice, your mindset coach. I help bereaved Christians regain hope through identity discovery while launching a signature book in 90 days.
I would love to help you write your story regarding how you made it out of the “forest”. Visit https://calendly.com/latresarice/30min to schedule a meeting.
Pain owes you a return for all that you have gone through.
I look forward to assisting you, as you recover all.