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Murder She Wrote

I’m a sucker for love, and His love was nothing like I had ever experienced before. It’s the kind of love that’s so good you have to talk about it. The sort of love that doesn’t leave you breathless but instead with each passing second unveils the meaning for each breath. They say love will make you do crazy things, and they’d be right. His love made me kill.

At the time of my writing this, 191,548,800 glorious seconds have passed.

3,192,480 beautiful minutes have gone by. 53,208 hours since our first real stab at it. We were on again, off again for as long as I could remember, but something about that day was different. I committed to Him, for real that time. I was more than just "interested" in life with Him, it was then I realized that I didn’t want to do life without him. So if He asked me to kill, I’d do it without question, and that is what I have done.

February 10, 2012, I finally had the guts to begin to write about our time together, in hopes that my then newborn daughter would one day grow up to find the stories her mother had written. I wanted her to see the journal entries where I recalled the decision to change my life. A decision that came only moments before bringing her into this world. Without Him, I couldn’t have even made that choice. I figured if she ever wanted to know what love looks like, she’d read our tale.

Documenting our murders in my opinion is a heroic act. I consider them to be the instruction manuals for my offspring. In them I detail each account so they never have to question who’s power it takes to get the job done.

Yes, I kill, and as of today March 7, 2018, I’ve kept record of 2, 218 counts- premeditated acts in the first degree. I average one per day! Before you turn up your nose I must warn you, it gets better. I have no remorse! In fact, everyday I wake up prepared to do it again. My murders are righteous acts. He justifies me.

I think about the day we met. He pursued me, that’s what really attracted me to Him. He was Relentless! I turned Him down a few time, but He knew what He wanted. By the time I finally gave Him a real try, it was after we had an intense encounter. Have you ever been in someone’s presence and you knew something had shifted and that there was no way after that encounter your life would ever be the same. It was one of those kind of nights. I know I’m not perfect, but this night He showed me just how patient with me He had been.

While He was picking up my broken pieces, I mustered up enough faith to ask for more of Him. I figured my surrender to trusting Him fully would require me giving Him complete control. It would be an act that required His power, and man did He over deliver! That day He gave me the greatest gift. He left me a teacher, a helper, and a comforter so that I would literally never be alone. He made my life make sense. I had direction. The closer I got to Him, the more I wanted to be like Him. He showed me the real me. The more we talked, the more His words became like a mirror, revealing my true identity.

Every-time we were together, I never had to give anything except my yes, everything was paid for prior to my arrival, it was like He knew I was coming. He prepared for me. He is such a gentleman. He opens doors, He makes ways when there aren’t any- He’s incredible.

His love is so great, I actually don't mind sharing him. In fact, there are more than 2.3 billion people on earth who have fallen for His great love. It is my prayer that I’m here long enough to see that number double. I’ve tasted life on many sides, and I’ve seen that this Life is good. My thirst has been quenched with living water, my hunger satisfied daily with bread, which for me is an indescribable gift. In this life, my hunger for righteousness is filled, it’s sort of like being connected to a Vine, every day is a feast. Every morning my intent is to share the fruit I receive in hopes of making an new convert. I’m a recruiter. I don't understand how anyone could experience liberation and want to experience it alone.

So I have committed to sharing my story of how I went from broken to whole, and from bound to free. See these murders are justified because everyday I kill me. I die, so that Christ's love can be seen. This is what freedom looks like, my life is what transformation means.


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