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Identity Coach- Lisa Fikes

Hey Sis! Have you wondered who am I? Or questioned what’s your purpose in life? Have you experienced the feeling of being lost about your identity? Sis, you feel as if you must perform all the time because you’re afraid to let others know the real you and you hide behind your hair, clothes, labels, and titles. I know about having an identity crisis and struggling with feelings of frustration because I was living a life that was masked full of false assumptions about who I was.


My Sister-friend let me take you on a journey about one of my identity crises. This beautician burned my hair. I was devastated at the damage to my hair. Now, you know ladies our hair is our pride and joy; at least it was for me. I had a candid conversation with this lady about my hair. She dared to say it’s still long in the back. What is going on and who says that? I was furious and go home wondering what to do with my hair as the texture was different. I instantly go to the beauty store to find anything I felt would help my hair, but to no avail, it was worse. I was distraught because I love my hair. It was part of what defined me I thought. Oh, how God has a way of putting things in perspective.

Here is my moment of truth ladies. I felt lost and unworthy. Can I be very transparent and vulnerable with you at this moment? My hair was one of my beauty marks because I always had long to medium-length hair. To be honest, one might say I idolized my hair. For decades women of color identity have been entangled with the cords of false beliefs about beauty and how it’s defined by her hair, skin tone, body shape, and size. This is the biggest lie from the pit of hell. Don’t believe the hype! Genesis 1:26 says, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” So, if God created us in His image, our identity is rooted in Christ, and there should be no confusion about who and whose we are. Ladies, we are beautiful and worthy. The enemy wants to destroy our image of self, and if it can get us distracted then we miss our destiny.


“An identity crisis is when there are periods of uncertainty or confusion in one’s life. This transpires when a person’s identity becomes insecure or unstable.” Merriam Webster Dictionary

When one experiences an identity crisis, it’s a time when you feel like you don’t know who you are or what you desire and need in life. You may even feel lost, confused, and unclear about the future.

To understand one’s identity you need to know what it embodies. Our identity encompasses the experiences we have good, bad, or indifferent, beliefs, values, and relationships. This help creates a constant self-image even while we are continuously evolving and developing to the best version of ourselves over time.


People often ask what causes a person to have an identity crisis in life. There isn’t any specific answer to what causes an identity crisis. A few contributing influences could be identified as changes in your life, anxiety, stress, and feeling like you are stuck. However, these are a few factors that could cause an identity crisis:

1. Traumatic event

2. Stress from life, finances, health, and having children

3. Relationships: marriage, divorce or beginning a new relationship, or ending a relationship

4. Relocation to another city or state

5. Starting or losing a job and retirement

6. Graduating high school/college

7. Grief or losses

8. Feeling stuck in life and unclear on what to do next


Five ways to handle your identity crisis:

1. Emotions: You must give yourself permission to feel and process the emotions. Don’t be ashamed to work through emotions as your feelings are valid.

2. Values: What are your core values? Revisit your values or maybe recreate and/or redefine your values. If you don’t know your core values, it will be difficult to get clarity on your identity. You need a belief system to keep you anchored which guides you on your journey.

3. Identity Plan: If you find yourself in an identity crisis, create an identity plan to regain your identity. Do the work to heal the inner you. Ask the tough questions and dig deep. Find activities that you enjoy and journal your process and progress. It’s okay if you have some setbacks. Just learn, grow and keep moving forward. You’re worth it. DO NOT QUIT!

4. Coaching and/or Counseling: I am an advocate for counseling and/or coaching. If you need to speak with a professional to help you process your feelings, please be proactive in your healing process. You must seek assistance in seeing yourself as worthy and more than enough. Sis, you are God’s Masterpiece and very loved. God knew everything about you before you were born. So, God knew you would go through an identity crisis as well as your triumphant.

5. Affirmation: Create I Am affirmations. Put them on sticky notes and place them in different areas in your house, car, and work. Say it out loud with confidence. Every day look in the mirror and say the affirmations. Know your worth!

There are many ways to cope with an identity crisis but will vary for individuals. The important point to remember is that you find a way and stick with it. You are not in a race with others. This is your journey, and you must embrace the process.

Hello Beautiful! I am your Identity Coach, Lisa. I empower and equip women to shift from just “surviving to thriving” by rediscovering their identity while confidently embracing their next unapologetically.

With Love,

Your Sister-Friend in the Journey.

Tag: Identity, Love, Self-Discovery, Mindset, Purpose, and Transformation

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