It’s May of 2017 at approximately 4:18a.m, I was awakened out of my sleep by a panic attack. As I began to try and calm myself down, I noticed that my daughter wasn’t in the bed with me, so I started to look for her in her room, her brother room, the living room, and lastly the basement but to no avail. I checked my phone and there was a text from her father stating that he had taken her and was seeking to gain full custody. All of this triggered an anxiety attack which ultimately leads to another panic attack.
At the time I had just started working and could not afford a lawyer. Since the father had taken my daughter and left, I suddenly became financially responsible for all of the bills in the household, my son was denied childcare because of a mental disability and I had to now figure out how he was going to get to and from school in a now one parent household. Also, when the custody battle started, I had to miss so much work that my job had to let me go.
My world had suddenly come crashing down! Everything was happening simultaneously it seemed like. “What have I done for all of these bad things to happen to me?” I asked myself daily as I cried and isolated myself inside of my room. But none of these questions and behaviors did anything to improve my current circumstances. It just helped me to wallow in self-pity.
Hi, I am your self-acceptance coach, and I would like to share with you 7 reasons why not accepting your current circumstance will leave you in a season of stagnation, bitterness, and self-doubt.
You look at other people on social media or at the work place and think to yourself, “man! They really seem to have it all together” and that may be further from the truth! You have to realize that people only allow you to see the good and this is to say that certain people aren’t really happy but it’s to say that rather you see it or not, EVERYONE has their season. When you gain self-acceptance you realize that problems only seem big when your resources are small. Gain the confidence in knowing that you have access to all solutions that can fix your problems.
“No one understands what it’s like to be me” You’re right! And they never will! People can empathize and sympathize but the life that you live is only meant for you! So what does this mean, only you are in control of your destiny. Nothing will change for you unless you do something about it. So stop feeling sorry for yourself, accept your current circumstance and make a decision to change today!
“Maybe I am not good enough” as we all know, it is power in the tongue and these negative thoughts will manifest itself in your behavior and lifestyle. Before you know it, you will believe you are not good enough and you will act as though you aren’t good enough. Speaking daily positive affirmations to yourself is key to gaining self-acceptance. It will improve your attitude, your behavior and your overall reflection of yourself.
“Why do the things keep happening to me?” “How can God claim to love me if he keeps letting these things happen to me?” First we must learn that we cannot control the actions of others but only ourselves. We also must learn to take accountability for our actions and the part that we played in the matter. If we do not learn from our mistakes, we will continue repeating the same actions that have gotten us to this state in the first place.
“This is just the way things are” No! You have made a choice to do nothing about it or you have made a choice to give up on trying. Either way, these problems will not fix themselves. Bettering yourself takes time, effort, and dedication. Yes you may fail and yes it may get hard at times, but if you decide that you’re worth it, there is no limit that you wouldn’t go to succeed at life.
“I don’t think I am capable of change” Everyone has a spiritual gift and an earthly talent that is supposed to be utilize to make a difference on earth. So if God expects for you to inspire others to change or better themselves, you have to be able to do it for yourself! We all have purpose and passion. Seek it and I promise you that everything in your life will begin to make sense.
“They can’t be that happy!” They may be and the same can stand true for you. Happiness is a state of mind. Once you decide that you’re happy, then you are! Understand that everyone is responsible for their own happiness. You cannot find it in your mate, spouse, children, or friends, because if you do so, you are no longer in control.
Accepting your current circumstances starts with accessing the situation to see what role you played in getting you to where you are today. Once you identify the role you played, write it down along with some counteractive measures you could take in order to prevent you from making the same mistakes again. Now don’t beat yourself up or indulge in negative self-talk, understand that you believed that you were making the best decision for you at the time it was made. Accept that you made this mistake, fix it and move on. Give yourself daily words of affirmation. Let yourself know that this is temporary and fixable. Do not compare your current circumstances to someone else’s. Know that it is their season and yours is coming. Learn from your current circumstances, there are lessons in the struggle. Develop a plan of action of all the things that you did to get through your trying time that worked for you. When you have the right resources, the problem does not seem so big!
For more tips and inspiration, follow me on Facebook: @Tanisha Lashae Self-acceptance Coach
Your Self-Acceptance Coach,
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