Reconcile For What? Part 2
Proverbs 18:19 KJV
“A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.”
Hopefully your weekend was a lot more eventful than mine because after looking over last weekends task:
1. Who Do I need To Reconcile with?
2. Who may be missing out on my witness because I haven’t went to them?]
I remembered the initial reason I wrote this blog and the reason it will have 3 parts! The reason is for that scripture we started with in Proverbs, it said “harder to be won than a strong city?” War, famine, brothers killing brother’s kingdoms falling and being overthrown but a brother offended would be harder than taking a strong city??!! Seriously??
See that meant something to me because in the movies conflict resolution lasts 2 and a half hours (except for infinity war - that offense is ongoing lol but I digress) and in television problems are resolved within 12-15 minutes (excluding commercials breaks).
That is NOT Real Life
In the real world many people die holding on to grudges or clinging to the trauma of disagreement and resent without ever seeking reconciliation! Many actually build an entire persona off not caring about resolution and “cutting people off” or ignoring “the haters” so on and so forth when in all truth MOST if not ALL people will do everything BUT go to someone and if they do it’s rare the other person is ready and or willing to grant that closure/reconciliation. Many don’t even think reconciliation is important, most ignore the cancerous attributes unforgiveness, anger and passive aggressive behavior contains! We think those things are defense mechanisms when really their mutations of our mentality and perverts our perspective in every way.
The more and more I dove into this I realized that most people don’t even understand what an actual EFFECTIVE Conversation consists of let along HOW a healthy disagreement is settled without any secret bias but actual dialogue and landing on a common ground! So, before I go on a tangent about social media making 10% of communication (verbal) 100% and completely eliminating the 90% (tone, body language or other nonverbal cues) it’s a huge reason why we have become so socially awkward. Nope I will not go in about how these platforms give the hurt a platform to air out their pain, share and even dish out some of their own without ever having to directly confront the actual person and the actual problem. This means NO SOLUTION is found and both parties are forever slightly changed because of it.
While it is many layers to conflict, including past offenses that create psychological triggers, insecurities, jealousy, stresses and more I wanted to share where I was in this area when I was in conflict. Long story short someone that I had been around for a few years during a ministry/community project had a disagreement online that spilled over into real life and exposed past offenses and secret resentment. In the heat of the moment I ignored and shut down on the individual but hours later the Holy Spirit convicted me with last week’s scripture, so I tried to contact the individual but to no avail. So, I left text messages and voicemails apologizing, the one thing I will say I was proud of is that I just apologized instead of trying to explain and not take accountability for my actions just to clear the air. Months later that same individual reached back out and the first thing that came to mind was “Oh Now You Want to Talk!”
Epic Fail, Pride Won
I immediately got a sense that he had finally understood the weight of our disagreement and finally felt the conviction and unction of the Holy Spirit to NOW do his part to reconcile the situation. Since months had gone by and I believed I had been so far removed from the situation and the individual that since I was fine I no longer needed to or had a responsibility to that person clearing their conscious and finding peace (pride won)! Instead I immediately wrote off the conversation told him I would call him back and tossed the thought completely out of my mind!
Now days this could have been my play off by saying how unbothered I was, since I had found peace and had be genuinely apologetic and remorseful in the past but when the opportunity came for me to put that genuine sympathy and Godly love and forgiveness to work I was selfish! I only thought about myself which allowed me to be able to deny the other effected individual from receiving closure and the both of us gaining an understanding. I didn’t think anything else about it UNTIL......... Part 3- 6.18.2018
Questions to Meditate on!
If you were me would you have handled this situation the same way?
Was I wrong?
Are we obligated to grant someone closure even if we have already moved on?
How long should you wait for someone to apologize? Is it a time limit?
Next week I will finish this story, answer these questions, as well as tell you if we were able to reconcile! Allow this story to give your insight into your interactions and current plights among people from your past and present. Examine how you COMMUNICATE when you disagree with someone. Evaluate how you treat someone who always disagrees with you!
Take this week to truly do a Self-Diagnostic of your circle. Who you call close and why. Does that person cater to your feelings and stances? Do you surround yourself with yes men? The last thing is...... How many people have you “moved on” from that may still be affected and dealing with the hurt you didn’t allow them to find peace from?
Find out Next Week ......(insert dramatic television announcer voice with echoes) How Meech Responded when things got Real!
MeechReal, Strategy Coach
Want to learn more about Meech Real? Check out his Podcast Media Station - Clean Air Media
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