7 Love "Leaves" for Wives Self-Care
I’ve watched lots of young women give themselves up for a man. Some wives and some just girlfriends. They don’t enjoy living and instead turn away family and friends to be housewives. They give themselves to everyone else and neglect themselves. Their mates and families' needs are met before their own. These women are always at home but ironically, alone. Alone because the mate that they give up everything for is continuing to live their life.
Men hang with family and friends oftentimes more than they hang with their women. These women expect their mates to act in the same manner and if they don’t it’s an uncomfortable place for them. They lose track of who they are or who they were meant to be. Many women fall into anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, loneliness, resentment and abandonment. It comes to a point where they begin to resent the person they loved so much and it turns into a toxic situation. These are the same women who do more for others than they do for themselves. Their downfall is a lack of communications and lack of esteem to empower themselves.
I have a webinar that talks about the 6 love languages (visit my Facebook page for more info link below). Many of you are aware of the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman which include: physical touch, quality time, world of affirmation, acts of service and receiving gifts. The 5 Love Languages is a proven approach to showing and receiving love and how it will help you experience better levels of intimacy with your mate. Oneday, I ran across an article by Jessica Wildfire in P.S. I Love You! Here she introduced a 6th love language… DISTANCE. The basis was that if you loved someone, sometimes you have to leave them alone. Interesting until I began to think of the importance of distance so I’ll share with you the benefits.
I was this woman! Nothing to do with my husband but all leading back to my self-esteem.
I’m a dark girl who was teased throughout my school years. I was never chosen to be the cool guy's girlfriend so when I was chosen to be a wife I felt good. At least I thought. I made my husband my world. Meeting him at the age of 17, marrying him at 20, and having a baby every year for the next three years. Everything I did was centered around him and my children. Many of my first adult experiences, drinking, clubbing, etc were all done with him. Not my girls! You know what else was happening? My husband had a life! He had friends and he had family. He went out, without me, he still enjoyed being young. You know what I did? Resented him. It wasn’t his fault, it was all mine. He would even say, it’s not my fault you don’t have friends. But I did! I had plenty of friends and plenty of family. I chose to push everyone away because this was more important to me, not realizing that I needed them too.
I’ve now been married for 13 years and it took me 10 to realize how important DISTANCE is in my life. Because Distance could be frowned upon or looked at negatively, I chose to name it a “Love Leave for Self-Care”. What is a love leave for self care you wonder? Picture a man cave or a She Shed. Both are getaways for the man and woman to have their own space. Not a separation, not a divorce, not hate and it’s not a selfish thing. It’s actually needed. I also ran across a facebook post where people discussed how their grandparents had separate beds or separate rooms. I was blown away at the number of responses but what stood out to me was the divorce rate back then compared to the divorce rate now.
I thought about how a Love Leave for Self-care could be beneficial in my marriage. I snore and my husband not as much. Sometimes I’m cold and he’s hot. Sometimes I see cute bedding items that I would choose if I were alone but wouldn’t dare put them on my bed with a husband. No, I’m not saying get separate rooms but I would love to have space I could go to that’s just my own for peace. As much as I love being around my husband, sometimes I just want to be alone. As much as I love my children, I just want to escape the million times I hear mommy mommy mommy. It’s not to say it’s all from my family either. I literally ride home in a silent car with no thoughts just because it’s the 20 minute of peace and quiet I know I’ll have. From my already long day dealing with hundreds of children and adults at a school to coming home to my family. Not only those interactions but the everyday life we deal with in a fast-paced moving world. I could use a Love Leave of self-care and actually look forward to it.
Here are some examples of a Love Leave for Self-Care:
Creating a quiet place
Watching your favorite shows alone
Escaping people calling on you constantly
Going out to dinner with your girlfriends
Spending more time with your female family members
Taking a long bath with soothing music playing and aromas filling the room
How can we prevent losing ourselves or being reintroduced to the woman we once lost? By creating balance….a Love Leave for Self-Care. Self-care or Self-love can differ depending on the woman but is most importantly a need to take care of your own needs, encouraging and empowering ourselves, and taking control of the energy we give out to others. Today I challenge you to find your peace. Create a Love Leave for Self-Care spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and for intimacy. What can this look like for you? How often can you enjoy this time alone? How do you think your family will react? The ball is in your court! Remember who you were, who you are, and who you were meant to be.
~ Robin L. Burrus
Follow Robin @robin.latice