5 Misconceptions About Forgiveness by Forgiveness Coach Sandra Cobb
November 17, 2020 – Forgiveness Coach Sandra Cobb
Does it seem like you’re just going through the day-to-day motions of living, but not really fully engaged with life?
Do you feel tired physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually from carrying the weight of unforgiveness?
I’ve been there and want you to know that you are not alone!
In our lifetime, at some point or anything, we have been hurt. Many have experienced traumatic hurt from awful offenses done to us personally. My traumatic hurt came when two young men decided it was time to end the life of my baby sister. We try to go on day-to-day, but we feel stuck. Perhaps it is the result of pain and anger that remains in your heart from the offense. Contrary to your personal belief system, there is an offense that hurt you to the core, and you just can’t imagine ever forgiving the person.
There are various reasons people give for why they refuse to forgive their offender. These are reasons you have probably heard before and, perhaps, maybe even given yourself. For the person that has never struggled with forgiving people, any reason offered for why you won’t forgive someone may seem to be excuses or frivolous. If you or someone you know is struggling to forgive, this blog is for you.
If I may borrow from Shakespeare and add a twist, “Forgive or not to forgive” is the question in front of you today. Daily there are people struggling with the decision to forgive someone. There are major misconceptions about forgiveness that may be clouding your thinking at this time. Now is the perfect time to clear up these misconceptions!
Let’s start with five!
The first misconception often given for why a person doesn’t forgive is:
1. Forgiveness means I approve what they did to me!
The truth is that forgiving someone is NOT a declaration that you approve or justify the wrong done to you. To justify means to make right, and wrong will NEVER be right! People refuse to forgive their offender out of fear that they are sending a message of approval of the offense. You are not letting them off the hook.
A second misconception is that
2. Forgiveness means you act like the offence never happened.
The truth is that true forgiveness doesn’t pretend that no wrong is present; you’re not blind to the wrong that has happened. It doesn’t mean your pain isn’t real. It happened and call the offense what it is! It does mean, however, that you don’t store the offense in your heart and mind and continue to rehearse it over and over again. This does not lead you on the right path.